My nephew was singing a "Thank a vet" song for veterans day at school... he thought it was "think of it" the entire time until like minutes before the event. He was so stressed, my sister told him that he could just keep singing "think of it" because nobody would really notice.
I used to the "for which it stands" in the pledge was "for witches stand" and had to check with my mom about realness of witches.
I thought it said "wrapped up like a douche."
bring ur boner to the right
It's... always to the right.
During the soccer pre-game they always sing it, and our team always yells out "BOOM" after the bombs bursting in air part.
We always yell out "BOOBS"
pizza is just a hamburger
I snorted a pound of goofballs because I thought it would help me sleep, but I'm WIDE AWAKE
I feel like every time I touch velvet I get cumpants.
those are v v good with a spot of tea
I have to take my daughter to her bowling league and I don't feel like talking to the other parents.
Thinking about wearing a mask and pretending to be sick.
One earpod & scrolling web pages, but throw an audible "uh huh" or "yeah" every minute or so. Angry look on face helps
I don't want to be a dick! I took some drugs. Maybe that will help me be normal.
I had a package misdelivered
and my address isn't even on it???????
but the person googled my name and found my business website
and texted me that they received the misdelivered package
and would come drop it off woweeeee.
the old site is gone, so i can’t find the pic, but if memory serves, you hadn’t fixed some missing address numbers on your porch
maybe that’s why no one can find you?
I got my pee-pee whacked by the imgur modbot for posting that
this grinder machine would be a good alternative to the guillotine for disposing of billionaires & fascist politicians.
I just bought assorted cheeses and salamis
Got the snowblower all prepped. Sounds like we might get a decent one Thanksgiving weekend.
well it is assorted cheeses and salami season
My bestie is having a baby. And I'm very happy for her, but I just never had those feelings about kids and stuff. And talk is always about that she's pregnant and when the baby comes and stuff like that it's fine, but I just can't show excitement without faking it.
My mother in law has an identical twin who is kind of the difficult one in the family.
She started a group text yesterday morning to tell the entire family that she hated Wicked.
Then a whole day went by and my MIL texted the same group chat that she's bringing buns.
Slug down a grady and ripple chip it.
Just got back from a local production of Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat and it was so entertaining and well done I can't even believe it.
I think my morning be normal drugs are keeping me awake.
start taking nighttime be weird drugs to balance it out
i wonder if its too late to break out in a wildly successful gangster rap career
My dad just stopped by to wish me a happy birthday. Hadn't seen him in months.
Happy birthday already.
Jesus.
Just got tickets to see The Book of Mormon next month. Guess I'm on a roll.
All I need now is Jesus Christ Superstar and I'll be a true theologian.
Space Cat said:
Just got tickets to see The Book of Mormon next month. Guess I'm on a roll.
Seen it twice. Fantastic show
haze said:
My dad just stopped by to wish me a happy birthday. Hadn't seen him in months.
Happy birthday!
It's almost that time of year, folks.
Yes, get ready for
KRINGLE IN THE D
I ate three bowls of Kashi last night and shit up the back stairs this morning
Do little lambs ACTUALLY eat ivy??
"a kid'll eat ivy, too; wouldn't you?
My wife bought me beers today.
