I always start with the fingers. Three equidistant rusty knife incisions, starting from the tip of the finger to the second knuckle. Starting with the thumb, I would repeat the same operation on each finger, methodically making my way to the pinkie. Multiple screens in the room would play couch porn. Giving the whole room an Ed Gein/gooncave chic you can only see in the pages of Bulgarian Architectural Digest. Of course, he would be gagged. So I would have to do the talking, and talk I would. About the real costs of having a philosophical whore in positions of power. About the market price of a human soul. About how history will remember him. About how, after I am done with his fingers, I will move on to his toes.

I would do the same to his toes, but since I am not a monster, I would go pinkie first and get the really painful part over with as I make my way to the big toe. Most usually beg for death after the pinkie. Coincidentally, I find it's the best time to make them talk. So I would remove the ball gag and expect answers to some questions.

What's the endgame, JD? What did they promise you? Was it worth it? What was it like to go home and face your wife and children every day? Why can't you accept that Erika is just using you?

So I would ask all of that in between the preliminary toes crushing - swollen toes are easier to cut - We instinctively squeeze in our toes whenever it comes to footpain.

The body usually shuts down after the first foot; it has accepted death and begun its own shutdown. We are talking 7-8 hours of a heart rate nearing 200 without relief. Not to mention dehydration. But there is just something about JD Vance that tells me that this piggy is going to go the distance. Thankfully for JD, the above-mentioned shutdown procedures also mean that the brain will unleash whatever dopamine it has left, and he will feel some odd form of euphoria, the pain receptors being completely fried. At that stage, the human is largely gone, and brain activity is minimal. The victim is a sack of barely living organic tissue. That is when the EpiPen comes into play. Waking him up, the searing pain reverberating across his body in never-ending waves, and only once he goes silent from exhaustion, I whisper softly in his ears. "It's time I do this with your dick

- JoJo's Guide to the Sweet Life: #PeaceOutHaterz (chapter 13: My weird dreams)
JoJo Siwa.